Archive | January, 2010

motivation, where are you?

29 Jan

Today feels like one of those days. My to do list is full, kids are at school, no excuse to still be in my jams, but here I sit typing on my blog. I’ve checked my home email, Hotmail, Facebook, two job sites, read a few blogs and there are 5 other job sites to check. I highly doubt any jobs posted since last night at 10:00pm, but if I don’t look I will never know!

My chair is warm, my butt starting to go numb from sitting here for over an hour and I’d love a latte. If I had a bell I’d probably ring it for someone to get my vanilla latte remembering that I like it grande, solo, decaf, non-fat, half-sweet. Where is Mark (aka Taylor) my latte boy when I need him?!

Motivation is fleeting. Some days I have tons and other days it seems to be stuffed under a couch cushion, hiding in the closet or locked in the basement.  Perhaps if I call out I will find it running towards me along with my two dogs. Would be cool if it actually jumped up to give me a hug and a chin lick too!

Seriously though, I need to find it. There are things I’ve put off . I’m quite certain my Mother-in-law would appreciate her jams, new pants, socks, undies and sweater she left here at the beginning of January when she flew home. She’s either too polite to ask why we haven’t sent her things or it is possible she has forgotten.  I could of course leave this up to her son, however, she’d be picking them up this summer when she visits.

I’m going to do it! I will visualize myself crossing items off my to do list. I will sign off my blog, make my own latte and head upstairs to the say good morning to the guinea pigs. Of course none of that is on my list, but I’ll have a little caffeine kick as I watch Ginger & Cookie do their dance of joy.

nightmare or full of meaning

23 Jan

Last night I had a dream some might label a nightmare. In the dream I was the observer, but also the young woman killed. I only remember the last part of the dream in which I saw a dress, my dress, laying on the ground and covered in blood. The dress was neatly laid out, sleeveless, creamy white background with large red flowers, would have come to just above my knees, fitted but not tight, loose but not flowing. Beside the dress was a typed note. As I started to type this description, the text now escaped my memory, but it was something referring to a part of me being killed.

I dream often but not always dreams such as this one. When I do have vivid dreams of someone dying, I wake feeling scared and sometimes so fearful I don’t want to get up to use the washroom. The strange this about last night, I did not wake full of fear but full of questions about the dream. What did it mean? Was it related to the story I am currently reading? What message does the mystery hold for me now?

My thoughts tell me the dream was a message of letting go. There is a need to let go of a part of my younger female self before I can move forward. I also wonder who it was in the dream I felt was trying to kill or get rid of that part of me. Am I killing or stifling a part of my younger self that I need to keep alive?

At the end of the dream, I was looking at a 4″x4″ photograph of the dress and note which lay beside the dress. The photo was the size and bordering you might find on an old black and white picture, however this was a coloured photograph. I still have a clear image in my mind of the dress but cannot see any blood stains on it. I owned a dress like it in style, but never wore the colour red in a floral pattern.

I find my dreams and the dreams of those in my life quite fascinating. I will probably think about the image on and off  during the day until a feeling of knowing settles in. I will know when the meaning of the dream feels right.

Do you have any dreams to share?

daytime dreaming

21 Jan

By George, I think she’s got it!  I do believe it’s working. Whether the belief in my dreams is filling me with hope, or the thought of living my dream is hope enough in itself, I feel better. I have seen things happen this week that can only be explained by either coincidence or as someone once told me, “It’s not coincidence, it’s Godcidence!”

A great universal energy has heard my call for help and has started to point me in the right direction for what I’m looking for. I do believe there is a universal energy guiding us through life. We can move with or against it, the choice is always ours. Moving with the energy that guides us is not always easy, and sometimes I question the purpose of where it’s taking me.

I’ve been offered a job updating the website for an alternative health clinic. I love to learn new skills and the experience will be something more to add to my resumé. Who knows what it will lead to, but in the meantime I’m thrilled to have a job for two weeks!

I have a love for learning and would love to teach children so I could show them how much fun it is to expand their minds with learning. My dream of teaching and working with children feels closer given the job leads and reduced assessment fee! 

This week I’ve learned to trust in the universe because it will provide. I have also learned I cannot sit on my ass and wait for my dreams to fall into my lap. The universe provides for those who put forth effort to help themselves.

dream fog

18 Jan

I don’t think I’m going about this the right way. If I want to manifest my dreams, I need to eat, sleep, drink, meditate, write and talk about how it feels to already have what I want. When do I fit that into my busy days with three kids? Is this something people actually schedule time to do? Some do, but does everyone who is able to find realization of their dreams?

Tomorrow I will make a list, or at least write down one thing I want to bring to fruition. I will write in detail how it will happen, what it feels and how my life will change because the particular dream has come true. Perhaps I need to find a different word than dream. They are not necessarily dreams if they are things I want to bring into my life. I’ll have to give this more thought than late at night when I need to get some sleep. For now, I believe just typing about the topic is helping, in some small way, even though I’m not quite certain how.

I am off to dreamland, literally, because I know my subconscious is trying to figure it all out.

To dream while I’m awake is on my to do list!  Is it on your list?

stay at home Mom, still in a dream

16 Jan

Well it’s my first day of putting to practise manifesting my dreams. What are my dreams?  Today it was finding a job. Not a lofty dream really, but quite necessary considering I was laid off in December.

I should clarify here, my dream today was not only to find a job, but to find a teaching job. I have a Bachelor of Education and it’s time to use it in a classroom setting. A teaching job to use my education, volunteer experiences, parenting skills and my passion to help children become their best!  Did I find a job today….no, but what I did find were several teaching positions to apply for.  Yes, I actually found three teaching positions for which I am qualified. My education is from out of province and so I have to be assessed in Ontario to either, a) get a license or b) receive notification that I have to return to university. The education in Calgary is so different from the education in Ontario..NOT. In my opinion,  if a person has studied at another Canadian University just give them a license to teach. The assessment fee is over $300.00 and I’m not certain I want to pay the fee.  But I digress from my reason to blog…

The best part about the teaching jobs I applied for – they aren’t daycare or baby-sitting jobs!  Woo hoo!!!!  This 44-year-old with a Bachelor of Education does not want to baby-sit to make ends meet. I was a stay at home Mom for over 10 years and feel very ready to get back out into the working world.  

Are you a believer yet? Or perhaps the question is, am I a believer? One day closer than I was yesterday. The new job did not manifest but the possibilities for the job were right there when I looked. I’m smiling as I type this because earlier this afternoon I felt some despair as I totaled the household bills. I was in tears with my daughters when I told them we were not going to spend the $155.00 for them to take their ballet exams. It was heart wrenching to watch the crocodile tears streaming down their faces!  They even went so far as to figure out how much money they had together to pay for the exams. 

After the kids went to bed I lit several candles to clear away the negative energy and surfed the net looking for work. I emailed off my resumé to 6 educational institutions! Isn’t it strange, mere hours have gone by since I felt such despair over financial concerns, the pressure of finding a job NOW, and voila I find some great jobs to apply for.

I can go to bed now feeling more confident and assured that my dream job is closer than this afternoon. I put “it” out there to the universe that I needed to find a job quickly and suddenly jobs appeared. Definitely food for thought.

What did you dream today?

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