Tag Archives: energy

Infinity, Pandora Style 

9 May

I envision an infinity symbol weaving across my body as I meditate to heal post-surgery. I mentioned to my husband and daughters that when I recovered I was going to buy a necklace or bracelet with an infinity symbol. Below is a photo of my Mother’s Day gift. 😊

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Recovery

7 May

Recovering from surgery is an interesting journey. Being my first and hopefully only major surgery, I had no expectations or knowledge of how I would feel. I had seen my Mom recovery from surgery, but even that did not prepare me for my own.

I’m an independent woman who prefers to get on with things. Once the complications I was having were diagnosed, I just wanted to have the surgery so I could get on with recovering to enjoy life as I had previously. Well…that’s not quite the way things go after surgery; at least not with my recovery.

I had a surgeon who believes, after a hysterectomy, to remove the catheter a mere 3 hours after surgery, to get the patient up and walking the halls 6 hours after surgery and to discharge the patient the next morning – because in the downtown core of major cities, patients are sent home the day of surgery. The oddness of this is that the night shift nurse said that he always leaves the catheter in overnight with his patients to allow them to fully rest without the need to get up.

He tried to expedite the process, however my body had other plans. With the anesthetic, Gravol and morphine running through my veins, just walking to the washroom a mere three feet away from the hospital bed proved too much and I fainted. After unsuccessful trips to the washroom every two hours throughout the night, the nurse catheterized me again. *given my somewhat superstitious nature, I told myself that as it was my third catheterization in three days, it would be my last….and it was!

As much as I would have preferred another night in the hospital, away from the busy energy of my household, I was discharged. The nurse was kind enough to let me stay until I had my noon pain medication and lunch before leaving. The option to stay was not offered, not did it seem to be an option even though I felt in no shape to leave.

When I mention my busy household, I’m not saying that in jest. We are a family of five with two dogs, a cat, a lovebird and a horse. Our two dogs, a Boxer and Boston terrier cross, are both high energy, one year old pups. The male boxer particularly, is like a toddler in the persona of a dog. Our cat is a purebred, Persian, who thinks he is a prince; like all male cats I’ve heard. He is lucky to have a good temperament and to be the most adorable cat in the world because as of late, he has been peeing on our leather couch and two chairs. I digress.

My resting place for the past two weeks has been our living room couch. Thank goodness it’s very comfortable with the perfect amount of firmness. It’s become my thoughtful spot, not only out of necessity, but because the thought of climbing the partial spiral staircase to the bedroom seemed insurmountable.

Lessons I learned on the couch – everyone reacts different when you’ve had surgery, I have difficulty asking for help, feeling helpless is emotionally overwhelming, recovery looks different even if the surgery is the same, respect your pain, nap often, get up and walk every hour, drink a lot of fluids, be patient with yourself and others.

I was surprised to watch my husband who, rather than feel it was enough to look after me my first few days home, busied himself with backyard renovations, vacuuming and washing the floors, cleaning up the dishes and looking after the animals without once asking my three teens for help. I watched as he exhausted himself and finally crashed yesterday after donating blood and trying to move 10 yards of topsoil from the driveway into the backyard gardens. Maybe it was too uncomfortable for him just to sit with me? Was it difficult to watch me wince in pain, walk slowly, not have enough strength to do more than lay on the couch? I imagine it was. I observed my husband’s stress, which was almost palpable.

My oldest daughter made herself available, doing homework close by just in case I needed something. While she held it together with her heavy school load and caring or me, a few days after my surgery she shed some tears in overwhelm. My son cried as he told me he had not slept the night he came to visit me in the hospital and that it was hard to see me after the surgery. He is a sensitive soul who would sit with me, talking and asking questions but retreated to his room as soon as his Dad or one of his sisters came into the room. My middle daughter really did not seem to be present often. She rarely stayed in the room with me, and if I asked her to do something for me or get something, it seemed to be an imposition on her time. Her energy was very closed off as she protected her own space to deal with things in her own way.

My Mom came over on a few occasions to take over caring for me and I must admit, it was nice to have her here. She sang while she cleaned and cooked, chatted with our animals, gave me pep talks and we engaged in meaningful conversation. We seldom have one on one time, so even though I was recovering from surgery, I enjoyed her company. It reminded me that growing up we always had music on in the house, or someone was playing the piano and singing. I was comforted by my Mom’s presence.

Now that I’m just over 2 weeks into my recovery, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I listen to my body to know when to rest and nap, I’ve started a daily meditation practice, I can walk at a slow normal pace and I’m incorporating new healthful foods into my diet. Thanks to my friend and Naturopath I now enjoy a daily cup of warm cacao drink, love rose-hip and hibiscus tea and sauerkraut! She gifted these items to me post-surgery to help with my recovery. I still have some pelvic health issues to work on as I recover and post-recovery but I’m taking it one day at a time. Showers are still exhausting! The insurmountable staircase is manageable with more ease but my legs complain.

Just remember, if you have surgery…your recovery will be unique to you and your body. If you friend bounced back after 2 to 3 weeks, that does not mean you will too. Recovery period is 4 to 6 weeks! Though to others you appear to look normal, healthier colour in your cheeks, walking at a normal pace, getting your own food, reading, watching TV, no longer wincing in pain…remember you had major surgery. Your body needs time to recover. Pay attention to those little twinges of pain because it means you need to rest or that you are overdoing it. No heavy lifting, no strenuous exercise. You set the pace because you know your body better than anyone else; at least I hope you do.

Mindful Monday

11 Apr

The rock face behind the Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona is breathtaking. I would stare at it for hours and find new faces, animals and symbols etched in the rock.

Faces in the moutain behind Chapel of the Holy Cross.jpg

It is, what it is

29 Aug

My last post, as I reread it, is fairly negative. I have sat with the upcoming changes and realized, once again, the higher powers that be are looking out to keep me in truth and on my path.

I used to get upset when things were not turning into what I had planned. It could be age or part of maturity, or both, but now when events do not happen as I envisioned they “should” I wait for understanding as I accept the turn of events. I look for meaning in everything and find it.

At the moment my life is brimming with change! How exciting! I have protected myself from taking on the energy of my coworkers to maintain my positive outlook on what is occurring. How much change?

• new job
• new office space
• looking for a new house
• possible career change for my spouse
• my oldest starting high school
• my middle daughter starting horseback riding and giving up piano

Incredible when I list everything.

And so as we enter the last month of summer and welcome fall, the season of change, I’m going to accept life as it happens. Truly it is what it is.

moving the energy

2 Aug

Stuck energy. That’s what this room feels like. It’s stuffy, close, and even with a fan on the air is almost suffocating.

I tried to sleep on the pull-out but only tossed and turned. At 5 I had to get up, physically moving to push away the stuck energy around me. It’s not working.

I sit here. One finger typing on my iPhone. Feeling the stagnation. It is palpable heavy energy. Full of sadness, loneliness, and longing. This is the energy in the room of a widow, growing older, living alone and missing the days when her children were younger and her husband was still alive. She keeps busy, buying new knick knacks to fill the void. Not able to feel sadness, but i feel an overwhelming sadness in her presence.

While I’m here visiting, I will help move the energy. It will require more than a fan. I need to call in much light, love and a gentle wind.

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