Tag Archives: stress

Full of Anxt

22 Jun

It’s 1:30am and as I see the panic in my son’s eyes I wish there was something I could do to take away his anxiety. As an adult who lives with anxiety, I have developed coping skills to deal with my racing mind and sometimes heart. I know to breathe deeply and remind myself that all is well. How do you teach your child to do the same?

At the young age of 9, it started. Well, in hindsight, I think it started when he was a toddler however it became full-blown at age 9 with the prospect of changing schools in the fall. Sleep became a distant dream on Sunday evenings. School became a place that only caused panic and uneasiness. Did he have to go to school on Monday morning?

From the girl who shared horror stories on the bus ride home if he did not share his iPod, to the cool boys who got mad when he missed the goal or did not kick the ball hard enough during recess soccer, to the super hero movies he so wanted to watch but that caused him increased anxiety…it all took a toll. I wanted to shelter him from it all.

My heart ached for him and we saw his school grades plummet by the end of the school year. What happened to my easy-going son, who engaged in enthusiastic conversation, smiled often and made people laugh. I wanted him to feel happy again and not to worry at such a young age about so many things. I wanted to keep him at his old school where everyone knew his name to call out when he walked past them in the hallway, the teachers and I were on a first name basis from my active volunteering, where the classrooms and staff were familiar.

Changing schools was much more challenging than we ever anticipated. Though he was in the same class as his one of his best friends, he still seemed lost at recess, felt overwhelmed with the larger two-floor school. There was a lack of the use of technology that he loved in his old school. Now school was a boring place where he sat in his seat all day and had to write and print everything in a workbook. It seemed there was little in school that engaged him to want to learn anymore. How sad to find school that boring?! 

We are happy to see the end of this school year because it means no homework struggles every evening, no more tears of frustration over how much of a page he had to fill with sentences. He is higher than normal in the range of anxiety for boys his age. I will not pursue an IEP with further assessment. I will not label him to further increase his anxiety about standing out as different. I will not give him prescription drugs. I simply want him to learn some coping techniques, to learn how to identify the feelings of anxiety, frustration, or worry and use his new skills to relax. Is that too much to ask?

antibiotics vs natural healing

18 Feb

My decision free day did not happen. I don’t think it’s possible to live through a day without making any decisions. I make decisions all the time, not thoughtful deliberation, but the things I do every day need some amount of thought process which I consider decision-making.

I guess my challenge is to stop stressing over the little decisions I make: what to wear, what to eat, where to go, what to do and when, how much effort to put into something, what to make, when to make it, etc.  My only major decision so far this week has been whether to give my daughter antibiotics for her ear infections.

Now to some of you, this might be an auto-pilot decision of yes, or no. I am of two minds on the topic of antibiotics. I know the ear infection would heal naturally, however in the meantime she suffers from extreme pain. I can give her pain meds, a warm compress, olbas oil rubs and love, but the pain still overwhelms her at certain times of the day and night. It is during these moments I do not have the strength to follow through with what my mind is telling me to do. I cannot watch her suffer when I know giving her antibiotics will clear up the infection quicker. If she was not dancing this weekend in the showcase, I may have held off one more day to see how she fared.

At this point, she’s had one dose and we must continue with the antibiotics for the full 10 day course. Ugh…I feel such guilt and even some shame over what I am doing to her body and natural immune system by giving her the drugs. Yes, I will make sure she also receives immune support to rebuild what she’s losing of her good bacteria, but it doesn’t ease my feelings.

What’s done is done and there’s no point in rehashing my decision. Sometimes I must follow what my heart is telling me to do without question. I need to shed the guilt and let it go. Not sure how easy it will be in the morning when it’s time for a dose of the gag inducing horrid tasting stuff!


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